I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
