I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
