Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
