Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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