just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize