Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
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