what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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