Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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