Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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