If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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