yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
