last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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