Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
