I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
