Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
