I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
