I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
