I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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