it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
