You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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