I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
