Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
