its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
