sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
cat food counts as protein by the way
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
