ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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