I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
