One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
