I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
