i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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