I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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