I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
