You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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