The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
