The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
