after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
