I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
