I queefed so loud it echoed.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm just crazy horny about you
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
