I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
