look no pants
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
