This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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