Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
