I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
