Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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