party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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