i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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