i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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