white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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