So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
