remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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