I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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