how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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