Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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