hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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