I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
