Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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