My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
