HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
