when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
