nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
