if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
